When Thinking Things Through Turns Into Thinking Yourself in Circles

Have you ever noticed how overthinking can make you feel like you’ve been doing so much without actually getting anywhere? You’ve replayed the conversation, considered every possible outcome, analyzed what you said, what they said, what you could have said, and what might happen next. And somehow, after all that thinking, you still don’t feel any more certain than when you started.

That’s one of the frustrating things about overthinking: it can feel like you’re working on a problem when you’re actually just circling it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to understand something or make a thoughtful decision. In fact, taking time to reflect can be incredibly useful. The trouble starts when thinking becomes a way of trying to control an outcome that isn't completely within your control.

When Your Brain Wants an Answer You Can't Give It Yet

There are plenty of situations where we simply don't have all the information yet. You might not know how someone will respond, whether a decision will work out, or what a particular season of your life will look like six months from now. And when you don't know, your brain may try to fill in the blanks. You run through scenarios, search for signs, replay the past, and try to predict the future. The hope is that eventually you'll think your way into feeling certain enough to relax, but certainty doesn't always come from thinking harder.

Sometimes, the more you analyze something, the further away you feel from an answer. You can spend hours asking yourself whether you made the right choice without actually learning anything new. You can replay an old conversation looking for the exact moment things went wrong, even though the conversation is already over. You can imagine every possible outcome of a decision and still be left with the same decision you started with.

When Thinking Stops Being Helpful

This is where it can be helpful to notice the difference between reflection and rumination. Reflection tends to give you something to work with. You learn something about yourself, gain a new perspective, identify what matters, or recognize what you want to do differently moving forward. Rumination keeps pulling you back into the same thought without creating a new path forward. You're thinking, but you're not necessarily progressing.

Sometimes, the thing you're trying so hard to think your way out of isn't actually a problem that needs solving. It might be uncertainty. It might be disappointment. It might be the discomfort of not knowing what comes next. It might be the vulnerability that comes with making a choice and accepting that you can't guarantee the outcome.

Those feelings can be difficult to sit with, so it's understandable that we try to escape them by thinking. The truth is there are experiences in life that can't be solved from our heads. They have to be experienced, worked through, or allowed to unfold.

Try Asking a Different Question

So instead of asking yourself, “How do I stop overthinking?” try asking a different question: “Is this thinking actually helping me?”

If you're learning something, making a plan, gathering useful information, or gaining perspective, keep going. But if you've been asking yourself the same question for the tenth time and hoping a different answer will suddenly appear, it may be time to step out of the loop.

That could mean writing down what you actually know instead of everything you fear might happen. It could mean talking to someone you trust. It could mean making a decision with the information you have and giving yourself permission to adjust later. It could even mean saying, “I don't know yet,” and allowing that to be enough for today.

You Can Move Without Having Everything Figured Out

We often assume we need clarity before we can move forward, but sometimes clarity comes because we move forward. Taking one small step can give you information that another hour of thinking never could. You may discover what works, what doesn't, what you want, or what you need along the way. You don't have to figure out your entire life before you take the next step. You don't have to predict every possible outcome before making a decision. And you don't have to have complete certainty to trust yourself. Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do isn't to think about it one more time. It's deciding what you know, accepting what you don't, and taking the next step from there.

By Cat, Mental Health Enthusiast