When Friendships Change: Holding On, Letting Go, and Finding Balance in the In-Between
Some friendships stay with us for a lifetime, others walk beside us for a few seasons, and some simply drift - slowly, quietly, sometimes without explanation, leaving behind a sense of confusion, sadness, or even grief.
No one really prepares us for how friendships can change as we move through life. We expect romantic breakups, we even talk about job transitions and life milestones—but when it comes to the shifting landscape of friendships, silence tends to take over. Yet, this kind of change is just as real, just as emotional, and just as important to process.
As a therapist and the creator of the SEW Balance Method, I’ve seen firsthand how deeply these transitions impact our emotional wellbeing. Friendships are part of your Core Supports. They offer connection, belonging, and comfort in ways that few other relationships can. When they shift, so does our sense of stability.
That’s why today, I want to walk you through the AOA Process - Awareness, Ownership, and Action - and how it can gently guide you through the sometimes painful, sometimes beautiful, always meaningful experience of changing friendships.
Awareness: Noticing What’s Changed
The first step is often the hardest: noticing that something feels different.
You might find yourself feeling unseen or misunderstood by someone who used to know you best. You might feel exhausted after interactions that once energized you or you may realize you’re putting in effort that’s no longer being returned.
These are quiet signs that something has shifted. And naming that shift can be painful, especially if the friendship once felt like home. But this kind of awareness is essential for your balance. It helps you tune into what you need, and what may no longer be aligned with who you are becoming.
Rest Stop: What have I noticed lately in this friendship? How do I feel after spending time with this person? What part of me is longing for change - or for closure?
Ownership: Honoring the Truth Without Shame
Once you become aware, the next step is to take ownership - not in blame, but in truth.
Friendships can fade for many reasons: distance, changing values, mismatched emotional availability, or even unspoken resentment. Sometimes the loss is mutual, other times one person is still reaching while the other has already let go.
Ownership means acknowledging your own experience, without minimizing it or assigning blame. It means honoring the loss, even if it doesn’t come with a formal goodbye. And it means recognizing that growth sometimes means growing apart.
There’s grief here. Real grief. And we don’t talk about it enough. Friendship grief deserves as much space as any other kind of loss. It’s okay to mourn what was, even as you make peace with what is.
Action: Choosing What Honors Your Wellbeing
The final step is action - and this is where the power of self-awareness becomes transformation.
For some friendships, action may look like initiating a conversation, expressing your needs, or simply offering presence during a challenging season.
For others, action may mean setting a boundary to protect your peace, or choosing to lovingly let go when the connection no longer feels mutual or healthy. And sometimes, the action is internal: releasing guilt, rewriting the story you’ve told yourself, and choosing compassion for both you and the other person. There’s no “right” way to move forward - only what is right for you now.
The Role of Friendships in SEW Balance
In the SEW Balance Method, Core Supports are one of the pillars of sustained wellbeing. They ground us, help us regulate stress, and remind us we’re not alone.
But part of building strong core supports is recognizing when a support is no longer supportive. When a relationship becomes rooted in obligation, or patterns that keep us stuck, it’s not selfish to step away. It’s actually quite wise.
Letting go doesn’t mean the relationship had no value. It simply means your needs, or theirs, have changed. And making space for relationships that reflect who you are today -and who you’re becoming tomorrow - is one of the bravest acts of self-love you can offer.
Closing Reflection: A Quiet Kind of Courage
If you’re walking through a friendship shift right now please know that it’s okay to feel both gratitude and grief. To miss someone and still know it’s best to move on. To love what was, and still choose what is right for your balance.
Friendship isn’t measured in how long it lasts - it’s measured in the love shared, the lessons learned, and the growth made possible. And even when friendships fade, what remains is your capacity to connect, to care, and to start again with people who meet you where you are now. That’s SEW Balance. That’s healing. That’s growth. You’re not alone in this. You’re simply evolving.
By Lepa Modie, SEW Balance Founder & Licensed Therapist